MARK NICHOLAS: …welcome back to the Gabba where New Zealand are 2/22. If you missed it before the break, Jesse Ryder was bowled by Mitchell Johnson for a duck, a beautiful piece of fast bowling.
MICHAEL SLATER: That reminds me of the time Tubby got bowled for a duck by Curtly Ambrose.
CUT TO CLIP OF MARK TAYLOR BEING BOWLED BY AMBROSE IN A TEST MATCH. EVERYONE LAUGHS.
MARK TAYLOR: Good one Slats. What about that time you did that embarrassing thing on The Footy Show?
CUT TO CLIP OF MICHAEL SLATER DOING SOMETHING SILLY WHILE HYPNOTISED BY PETER POWERS ON THE FOOTY SHOW. EVERYONE LAUGHS.
SLATER: Turn it up Tubby!
IAN CHAPPELL: That reminds me of the time we were on an Ashes tour in the seventies on a team bonding night. We wore onions on our belts, which was the style at the time. One day during a rain delay in a county game, we pranked the 12th man to drink a baby’s bottle while wearing a diaper. Of course, Rod Marsh and Dennis Lillee spiked the milk with vodka. The 12th man spent the night in hospital with alcohol poisoning. We all laughed about it later.
ON-FIELD NOISE AS ANOTHER WICKET FALLS
NICHOLAS: Sorry to interrupt Chappelli, but Johnson has another wicket. Martin Guptill mistimes a bouncer and Steve Smith takes an easy catch at mid-wicket.
JAMES BRAYSHAW: Even though I’ve never played a Test match I feel compelled to criticise Guptill’s shot. He was obviously scared of Johnson’s pace and wanted to get back to the dressing room. He’s obviously not a North Melbourne supporter.
SLATER: Go the Sea Eagles!
TAYLOR: Go you mighty Dragons!
IAN HEALY: QUEENSLANDER!!!!!!
TAYLOR: You would say that wouldn’t you Heals?
NICHOLAS: Now as we wait for Brendon McCullum, we have some exciting news.
SLATER: You’re going to break out the Austin Powers outfit for the SCG Test?
NICHOLAS: Not quite. On January 28 we’ll be premiering The Block part 50: You’re Gonna Watch it Anyway. It’ll premiere right after the special two-hour A Current Affair expose: How Dole-Bludging Foreign Tax Dodging Shonky Builders Are Destroying Australia. It’ll be a gripping watch.
THE REST OF THE COMMENTARY TEAM HUM IN AGREEMENT.
SLATER: Tubby would love it. The “block” shot was his only decent shot.
TAYLOR: Turn it up Slats! Remember that time you dropped that catch?
CUT TO CLIP OF MICHAEL SLATER DROPPING A CATCH IN A ONE-DAYER. EVERYONE LAUGHS.
CHAPPELL: That reminds me of the time in 1971 when I was playing a rain-affected county game for Hampshire and batted for the whole day against Surrey’s fastest bowlers only wearing a box, like real men did. That night I got blinding drunk with the boys then scored another century with a mighty hangover. Cricketers were tougher back in my day…
CHAPPELL’S STORY IS INTERRRUPTED BY A CRACK OF LIGHTNING.
NICHOLAS: Well, looks like one of Brisbane’s famous storms has hit and everyone is sprinting to the change rooms…
TAYLOR AND SLATER: Shut up Heals!
NICHOLAS: …so we’re going to cut to a special sneak preview of The Block Part 50, premiering January 28.