Nine CEO slams “selfish” Aussies

Channel Nine CEO Hugh Marks has slammed the Australian ODI team for their “selfish” comeback against New Zealand today.

“Nine broadcast eight goddamn one-dayers this summer, and they were all boring as bat****! As soon as the selfish p***** leave the country, they decide to play a decent game!”

Marks protested that Nine has looked after the Aussie team and they should be more grateful.

“Tubbs, Slats, Heals, Clarkey and the boys have been loyal cheerleaders for the Aussie team and constantly reminding fans they used to play for Australia. We even punted that flog Brayshaw – and brought back Bill Lawry – so people would like us again. You’d think the Aussies could repay us with a few close games. But nooooo!”

An angry Marks even took shots at Channel Ten. “I bet those bastards at Ten helped out too, forcing the games to be boring so everyone would watch their stupid Big Bash! The f****** even had Boof (Darren Lehmann) as a commentator! Pack of cheats!”

When asked if Nine could telecast the rest of the Chappell-Hadlee series, Marks said it wasn’t possible.

“We’re contractually obligated to show  afternoon repeats of House Husbands and Married at First Sight, so we can’t show the cricket sadly. At least we have the riveting Twenty20 series against Sri Lanka to look forward to, even though nobody decent’s actually playing.”

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